Cowboys and Aliens

I haven't had this much Sci-Fi fun since "Independence Day"!

Can You Pay It Forward?

I crochet.  I like to keep my hands busy.  I feel less guilty doing something 'constructive' while watching TV (oh, I think I hear my dear Momma's voice!) and crocheting is just about as crafty as I get.   I make afghans, baby blankets and the like, and once a year or so I pick a charity and mail them out.  Dropped stitches or no, so far no charity has turned away a box.

I have an old friend who waits until the after Christmas sales (we are talking the SERIOUS SALES) and buys up all the blankets he can find.  He then drives the streets of San Francisco, passing out warmth and comfort to folks who can use all the warmth and comfort they can get.

I have an east coast cousin who just returned from a two week visit to North Dakota where she joined with the Red Cross to aid flood victims.  I am not sure what she did there but I AM sure that those folks were glad to have her...and she, of course, earned a twinkling little star in her crown.  Win-win.

Truth is, the giver always gets much more than the receiver.  Not only are there stories and bragging rights galore (my cousin has dinner party conversation fodder for years to come), but it just feels REALLY GOOD. 

Many folks in the “retirement bracket” have the opportunity to pay it forward, and for some of us it may be the FIRST opportunity to do so in a busy life of career juggling, child rearing and those other complications that seem to overtake us during our youth.  If you are a bit less pressed for time now and looking for such an opportunity, take a peek at these two valuable websites.  Serve.gov and VolunteerMatch.org both allow visitors to search by zip code.   And both cover lots and lots of charity ground.

Here is the first question ever posed by seniorish (though surely not the last).  Do you have a favorite charity?  Or a way that you have chosen to pay it forward?  Or maybe just an idea of how you would like to "give back" when things settle down in your life?  Post it here and I will pass the word.

Caveat

My editor-in-chief is an elderly Rat Terrier named Zoey who spends eight to ten hours a day snoring in her bed beside my desk.  Her grasp of the English language and its attendant grammar is not much better than mine.  And her computer skills are sadly lacking.  (Is it possible…or even legal…to post a youtube video here?  I have no idea and she is of no help whatsoever.)

I have discovered that the “Post This” button is not always my friend.  More than once in the very short time I have been quietly blogging, I have clicked and shouted “NO! WAIT!” as I watched a misplaced comma slide into published position.  Or, even more frustrating, discovered the grammatical error three days later.  Yes, these things are repairable but the repairs have consequences as well.  Sigh. 

And so Zoey and I offer this contract.  We promise not to be overly judgmental of you, dear reader…if you agree to overlook the inadvertent bending of some rules of language here.

Have a great day.

Downright Angry

Two-thirds of Americans are "dissatisfied" or downright "angry" about the way the federal government is working, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll.  Count me in.

I shall leave it to the pundits to make heads or tails of last nights political tantrums.  I have only this to say:  seems to me that most (if not all) American politicians are motivated by four factors. 

In order of importance those are:

1.  Is this good for me (i.e.: will it get me reelected)?

2.  Is this good for my party (i.e.: will it get me reelected)?

3.  Is this good for my constituency (i.e.: will it get me reelected)?

4.  Is this good for the nation?

"Do you offer a senior discount?"

This morning I had two quick errands on the agenda:  oil for the hoopty, and a few seniorish supplements for me.  I received a 10% discount at both Auto Zone and the local vitamin store just by using the six word sentence above.  As our American demographic continues to age thanks to those loving ( very loving) returning World War II Vets, we will see more and more retailers and service providers encouraging the geezer trade.

What follows is a PARTIAL list of retailers that offer senior discounts.  The discounts themselves can be anything from a free cuppa joe to a substantial discount on the total bill.  The qualification age for "senior" can be anything from 50 (give me a break) to 65.  The take away here is ALWAYS ask.


RESTAURANTS:  Applebee's; Arby's; Ben & Jerry's; Bennigan's; Bob's Big Boy; Boston Market; Burger King; Captain D's Seafood; Chick-Fil-A; Chili's; CiCi's Pizza; Culver's; Denny's; Dunkin' Donuts; Einstein's Bagels; Fuddrucker's; Gatti's Pizza; Golden Corral; Hardee's; IHOP; Jack in the Box; KFC; Krispy Kreme; Long John Silver's; McDonald's; Mrs Field's; Shoney's; Sonic; Steak 'n Shake; Subway; Sweet Tomatoes; Taco Bell; TCBY; Tea Room Cafe; Village Inn; Waffle House; Wendy's; White Castle.
GROCERS:  Albertson's; American Discount Stores; Compare Foods Supermarket; Food Lion; Fry's Supermarket; Great Valu Food Stores; Harris Teeter; Hy-Vee; Kroger; The Plant Shed; Publix;
RETAIL AND APPAREL:  Banana Republic; Beall's; Belk's; Big Lots; C J Banks; Clark's; Dress Barn; Goodwill; KMart; Kohl's; Rite Aid; Ross Stores; Stein Mart.
TRAVEL:   Alaska Airlines; Alamo; American Airlines; Amtrak; Avis; Best Western; Budget Rental Cars; Comfort Inn; Continental Airlines; EconoLodge; Enterprise Rent-A-Car; Greyhound; Hampton Inns and Suites; Hertz; Holiday Inn; Hyatt Hotels; Marriot Hotels; Motel 6; Quality Inn; Rodeway Inn; Southwest Airlines; United Airlines, US Airways.
MISCELLANEOUS:  AMC Theaters; Bally Total Fitness; U.S.National Parks;Sea World Orlando; Verizon Wireless; Great Clips; SuperCuts.

The Difference Between Democrats And Republicans

Democrats buy books that have been banned somewhere.
Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.

Democrats give their worn-out clothes to those less fortunate.
Republicans wear theirs.

Democrats name their children after currently popular sports figures, politicians, and entertainers.
Republicans name their children after their parents or grandparents, according to where the money is.

Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom any reason why they should.
Democrats ought to, but don't.

Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but believe that they're entitled to a little fun first.

Democrats make plans and then do something else.
Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.

Republicans sleep in twin beds--some even in separate rooms.
That is why there are more Democrats.

I must give credit to the fabulous Bilbo (see my blog list for a link to him).  He has become one of my favorite reads...and gives me a chuckle every day.  He is a man with a sense of humor, who communicates AND ballroom dances.  If I had met such a man years ago, I might be married today.

Any other differences Bilbo missed? Leave them in the comments.

Senior Truisms

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection... again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

20. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants?  Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

21. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brains were not being protected. 
 

Four Legged Skunks I Have Known (the two legged variety requires a different post)

In one of my previous lives I was Supervisor of Animal Control for a mountain City in Arizona.  Arriving from Texas with a teenager to raise, it was the most lucrative position I could snag with my Vet Tech (read: dog nurse) license.  Veterinarians in Arizona were paying minimum wage in the 80’s.

I had limited experience with skunks but I learned quickly.  Skunks were as commonplace in Prescott then as Chihuahuas are in Paris Hilton’s neighborhood today.

On my very first day, I was informed that my department was not to assist in the removal of skunks from private residences.  The previous month a well meaning animal control officer had attempted to sedate a small skunk that had found itself behind the refrigerator of an understandably distraught citizen.  Unfortunately, the dart was almost as large as the skunk.  A messy skunk explosion ensued and the City was forced to replace wall board, some cabinetry, kitchen flooring and a side by side fridge.  From that point on, skunk removal became an open invitation to private enterprise.

We did step in for certain special situations.  Skunks are notorious dumpster divers.  On many occasions, a City trash truck would arrive to do its duty only to find the dumpster occupied by a black and white visitor.  Apparently, while the getting in is quite doable, the getting out is not so much.  It became such a commonplace event in the spring that our trucks carried handmade “skunk ladders”.  This contraption was little more that a long two by four with cross pieces.  The ladder would be placed into the dumpster at a 45 degree angle from floor to lip, and all wise persons would vacate the area.  Most skunks were smart enough to find and use the special device within a matter of minutes, although some did lollygag if they were still grocery shopping.

One other skunk situation comes to mind…still fresh in my memory after a good 30 years.  A panicked mother called, reporting that a skunk was wandering willynilly in the area of a busy school bus stop.  This garbage picking skunk had managed to wedge his head into a plastic Yoplait yogurt container.  No doubt you have seen this type of container…the lip is smaller in circumference than the base.  His head was seated securely inside, with the lip snug around his neck.  He had wandered about for a good hour, walking into traffic, running into fences and walls, and at one point tripping over some brave citizen’s foot.  The officer who responded spent a few minutes surveying the situation, and then did the only thing possible under the circumstances.  He pulled off the yogurt cup and RAN LIKE HELL. In fact everyone (the little guy had attracted quite a bit of public attention) took cover.  Mr. Skunk looked over his shoulder at his audience, seemed to express some silent gratitude, and waddled away without discharging his firearm.

Some days are diamonds and some days are stones, even for skunks and the folks who must deal with them.

Senior Texting Codes

ATD - At the doctor.
BFF - Best friend fell.
BTW - Bring the wheelchair.
BYOT - Bring your own teeth.
FWIW - Forgot where I was.
GGPBL- Gotta go, pacemaker battery low.
GHA - Got heartburn again.
IMHO- Is my hearing aid on?
LMDO - Laughing my dentures out.
OMMR - On my massage recliner.
ROFLACGU - Rolling on floor laughing and can't get up.
TTYL - Talk to you louder!

Happy "Medicare Birthday"

I turned 65 last week.  I received the above sentiment enclosed in a box holding an orchid plant the size of a small child.  I placed the  plant on the coffee table, opened a bottle of Merlot and transferred another $20 into the Lifestyle Lift fund.  How did this happen?  And so suddenly, it seems?  I was raising children, creating a home, working a job (or two) but was too busy to pay attention to the years as they slipped away.

I am paying attention now.  This blog is my opportunity to tune in to what is happening to me physically, emotionally and spiritually.  Join me if you like.  I will try to include information that will be useful to all of those in the "Boomer Club".  My plans include a book club, information on seniorish traveling, snowbirding, senior dating.  What would YOU like to discuss?  Feel free to offer thoughts and inspiration to make this blog a resource for other seniorish folk.  I look forward to hearing from you.